The Birthday...

Make a wish…you only get to do this once a year. It’s when you close your eyes and blow out your birthday candles. Some ages are in theory “bigger” than others – 16, 18, 21, 30. But what about 25? I remember what I used to think I would be and be doing by the time I turned twenty-five. Engaged, with an amazing apartment, visiting are galleries and trendy new lounges, and living the Sex in the city dream. Well, I’m not engaged but I do have an amazing apartment and do have to say that when I think about it – I am living the Sex in the city dream…going to art galleries, hitting up some hot parties, painting on weekends, and meeting some very interesting people…so what about this year is so different? Why does it feel like I’m not where I should be?

I think it’s because I’m thinking too much about the future. When I’m supposed to get engaged, when I’m supposed to open my own company, when I’m supposed to be sending my parents an luxurious vacations. I’m thinking too much about the amount of time between here and there instead of thinking about the now. It’s like planning a big after party and you’re all caught up in the details and before you know it, it’s all over. You miss the late night laughs together in the office, the crazy coffee runs at 5:30 in the morning, and the sense of power you have by turning people away from the door. Suddenly everything becomes a blurry memory and you’re body is an automatic because you’re mind has checked out. I guess I’m in a weird place right now. I’m not being. I just need to figure out why so that I can again, take pleasure in the small things again like sending my intern out to find the perfect size box that I know doesn’t exist just to see how hard she’ll try.

I know birthday candles don’t really mean anything and a wish is just that – a wish. But this year I want my birthday wish to be a forecast, a promise, a statement for where I am instead of a wish for where I want to be.